This year, I will find the time...

source

...to read the Qur'an again.

So in the spirit of New Year’s resolutions I decided to reread the Qur’an, something that I have been meaning to do for a very long time now. Instead of making excuses I’m just gonna jump right into it and see how it goes.

I want to read a few translations at the same time just for the sake of good understanding and clarity. So these are the translations that I will read:

1) Yusuf Ali

2) Pickthall

3) Shakir

I've heard they are pretty good and give a rather accurate picture of what the verses mean when combined altogether. I will be reading them here most of the time cause it's just convenient. However, there is also a brilliant website that you can find here which offers many many different translations of the Qur’an and there is also some commentary that comes with it! I will also do my best to read tafsirs as I heard they are important and can give one invaluable insight into the meaning of the verses.

Also, this time I am going to read the Qur’an in the chronological order of revelation cause as far as I am aware the current order is from the longest to the shortest surah. Not sure why but apparently it's easier to keep track of things when you read the Qur'an in the chronological order.

Here you can find a table that explaines the chronological vs traditional order.

Another useful website that I found is quran4u which offers tafsirs in a pdf format. And the last one is the Qur'an Corpus.

Righty! I think I should get down to reading! I will be starting from surah 96.

On being offended.

This post was prompted by a comment left by Sarah on my last post:

Why do you keep attacking a religion that you decided wasn't for you, leave it and move on. It's really annoying the way people like you always try to justify to others your reasons for making your decision. Who cares, just leave my beliefs alone, no need to try to save me or other true muslims from our religion. Sarah

It's not the only comment of this sort that I received since this blog started. Hence, I thought I will briefly post what I think about comments like that.

First of all, I think there is an important distinction that needs to be made between attacking and criticising. I don't think I am attacking a religion, let alone people. Criticising, yes. Criticism is about expressing one's disapproval of someone or something, talking about their faults or expressing judgments about the good and bad qualities of something. If you get your panties in a bunch because of someone on the internet writing something that clashes with your 'Islam is perfect' idea, then it just MIGHT indicate that your idea(s) about Islam are not as watertight as you would like them to be and it's time to revise them. Just a thought.

Even if I am criticising Islam, if you love Islam and feel completely confident of your beliefs, then what do you care what I think about it? 

Secondly, I am of the opinion that religious doctrine is just like any other set of beliefs or ideas out there that are free to be examined and commented on. I have had MY ideas criticised many times in the past. In fact, thanks to such exchanges with others, I changed some of my ideas simply because they showed me the error of my thinking and after doing some research myself I came to the conclusion that I was wrong. I am still alive and I am not even one bit traumatized from such experience. If I can do it, you can do it too.

Also, please learn to differentiate between criticism of an idea vs a person/group of people. 

Thirdly, I think that most of the time people who leave such comments as above have no problem whatsoever with converts broadcasting their conversion via their blogs, facebook, youtube, you name it! Some of them even become 'celebrities' simply because they embraced Islam. It's okay for them to tell the whole wide world why they converted, why their previous religion was just pure nonsense but it's annoying when someone who decides Islam is not for him/her, or leaves the deen altogether gives their reasons for doing so. Double standard much?

Lastly, NO ONE is forcing anyone to read this blog. Everyone who comes here does so out of their own free will. If anyone has a comment, disagrees with anything I write is more than welcome to tell me why he/she thinks I am wrong, provide a counter-argument or bring to my attention things which I might have missed while I was coming to a conclusion on a particular subject. Absolutely! But it's a cop out to simply tell me to mind my own business.

So please, allow me the rights that you yourself enjoy. Thank you :-)

And something to light things up a bit:

Struggling to understand...

source

One of the members of The Council of Ex-Muslims Forum (CEMB) posted yet another brilliant video on CEMB's youtube channel. He explains why he left Islam and bids those who watch it farewell as he is moving on with his life. His other videos are worth checking out as I feel he is being very fair and asks legitimate questions about the faith.

As I stated before, I am still very much interested in Islam as a religion but also in people who are Muslims. 

I have never been an even moderately religious person. Religion for me was a personal matter. First time I had to think about religion was when I met my now ex-bf. I watched loads of conversion to Islam stories on youtube. Most of them by women. I was kind of fascinated with convert stories. Could I become one of them? They were soft-spoken and looked really content. I was wondering where it was coming from, and yes, I wanted it for myself too. 

However, when I started to actually read the Qur'an, hadiths and Islamic websites my fascination turned into asking one simple question over and over again: why? 

Until now I struggle a bit to understand why women convert to Islam. I must have comprehension issues.

Personally, as soon as I found verse 4:34, I was pretty much done. There was no way around this verse. I have searched high and low for interpretations. The apologetic ones seemed stretched. 

I would still read the Qur'an hoping that there is something that would change my mind. But I didn't find anything apart from more 'nails to the coffin'.

I do know for a fact that if you want to believe Islam is the truth, you can do it. You can surround yourself with material that supports your point of view. There is plenty of Islamic websites that simply omit problematic verses and teachings. You are not to find out about them BEFORE you convert. Those who give dawah will not present you verses that might trouble your conscience. There is even a word that somebody coined for such practice: dawahganda. 

Once you invested in your conversion and crossed that bridge, you are let into a secret and are allowed to find out about the less pleasant bits.

I understand that some people before their conversion were led to believe into a different Islam than the one presented to them AFTER they converted. There are plenty of female bloggers who struggle with parts of the scripture and still cling to it as a drowning man will clutch to a straw. Why search far and wide for excuses and preform intelectual acrobatics to explain away things that make you feel uncomfortable? Why not admit that there are problematic areas in Islam, maybe some that are simply irreconcilable with your conscience? Shouldn't it be about what the truth is instead of what gives you warm fuzzy feelings?

Hamza Andreas Tzortizs and others on their non-muslim parents.

When I was considering conversion I went on youtube for some quick stories of those who already took this step. It was important for me to know how they approached certain subjects that I found difficult if not impossible to reconcile. There are plenty of convert stories on youtube as they are supposed to be some kind of a proof that Islam is spreading. 

I wasn't a person who thought about religion and God a lot so my research prompted a plenty of questions that I never asked myself. I never really thought of the whole concept of Hell. I didn't really think of Heaven either but simply assumed that if you are a good human being, you will go to heaven. After reading the Qur'an and spending some time on islamic forums I realised that this Hell-Heaven thing is serious business and people do actually fear Hell and dream of Heaven. It wasn't until very late in my research that a very uncomfortable thought occurred. Namely, if I converted and was granted Jannah (Paradise), my parents, as non-Muslims, would go to Hell. To top it up I would be able to see the torment of those in Hell:

Sahih International
7:50 And the companions of the Fire will call to the companions of Paradise, "Pour upon us some water or from whatever Allah has provided you." They will say, "Indeed, Allah has forbidden them both to the disbelievers."

So my parents and dear friends would ask me for water and some food and I would have to refuse... This brings me to a couple of videos I found on youtube.
First one is by Hamza Tzortizs talking about his non-Muslim parents:



The reality is, dear readers, that he willingly accepted totally wicked and twisted ideas that Islam teaches. It's pathology, plain and simple. For a split second I felt sorry for him but then I realised that his torment is self-inflicted and it makes me feel nothing else but revulsion. How can he possibly WORSHIP the same being that is going to torture his parents, who love him very much and he loves them, forever? How can he possibly not see anything disturbing in it? How the hell (pun not intended) can he reconcile the idea of Allah roasting his parents for eternity and at the same time believe he is some kind of pinnacle of goodness and mercy? It's just beyond me. 
Hamza also loved his granddad very much. He speaks about him in this vid:



His granddad, who meant the world to him, fell ill and Hamza decided immediately to go and see him. He says: I have to go and see him. Give him dawah! To prevent him from going to the hellfire!

How can the only thing you can think of is converting the person who means the world to you while he/she is on his/her deathbed? How is it not sick and twisted to have such a thing on your mind when one of your loved ones is dying? Again, how can he continue to worship a being that will torture his loved ones for eternity?

Same question could go to Abdur Raheem Green who on 26th August tweeted: 
Please make dua'a for my father who is critically ill that Allah (SWT) opens his heart to the light of Islam and if he is to die, let him die in a state of eeman. Ameen.


On 2nd October he posted this:
Dear brothers and sisters, May Allah have mercy on you and reward you for all your du'aas which, All Praises due to Allah, have been answered. Around 10 Days ago, my father said the testimony of Faith and a few days ago despite him being barely able to talk we spent half an hour repeating over and over the shahaadah. Last night at 2220 I received a call from my Mother informing me that my Father Passed away. Insha'Allah he died as a person of eemaan. Please continue to make dua'a for him and of course that my mother is guided to Islam.


The idea of him hassling a dying man to convert and making sure he is in the 'right team' instead of catering to his emotional needs... well, it's pathological evil to me.
This highlights how insidious Islam as a religious ideology is. 


And the last video:



That was straight-up cruel and evil of Zakir Naik. I think this lady instinctively knows the sadism and vileness she was brainwashed into but for some reason she can't snap out of it. I would think, people like her should know better...
Hard to believe for most people this is a higher moral stance...

Anger and resentment

I have been feeling pretty angry and resentful for the past couple of months, to say the least.
I am really tired of it. I want to move on, be happy with the life I have cause really there is nothing to bitch and moan about. I find it drains my energy and is not a productive power in my life in general, but for some reason I cannot let it go so easily.


My friend told me that there are stages one comes through when dealing with a break-up. I feel like I have been going to and fro between anger and acceptance. The thing is that according to me, we didn't really want to part our ways if it wasn't for religion. So there was this third and deciding factor that broke us up. I think it would be difficult for us no matter which way we took. This doesn't change the fact that I'm not so much angry at him as I'm angry with Islam (please note - not with Muslims).


It's easier for me to absolve my ex from responsibility because he didn't choose what he believes in. It was drilled and spoon-fed to him since he was a kid. It's coupled with images of hell fire and eternal torture he will have to endure if he disbelieves. This is NOT free choice. If someone holds a gun next to your head and asks you to do something, you wouldn't call it free choice, would you?


I have spent months trying to understand his mindset and where he was coming from. On one hand I understand his reasoning and on the other hand I don't because knowing how intelligent and bright he is, I would expect him to see through the bullshit, stop for a second and think. Think about what it means to us a couple, see implications of his thinking. He didn't even take time to consider for a second that he might be wrong, his attitude harmful, divisive and unfair.


I might regret for putting it out there but I do feel a lot of anger and resentment towards Islam, and other religions for that matter (my conversations on the topic of religion do not go down well with my mom).


I resent it for making my ex and some people see in binary terms: Muslims vs. non-muslims, and consequently lumping groups of people into the same sack simply due to their beliefs or lack thereof.
I resent it for making people 'love and hate for the sake of Allah'.

I resent Islam for what it made my ex think about me, about my family, for making me unacceptable to his family simply because they could not love or live under one roof with a non-believer (his words).
I resent it for putting me and him on a hostile footing. He wouldn't have had such ideas about me, my family if it wasn't for Islam.
I resent Islam for tearing us apart as a couple.


No, I DON'T hate Islam. I resent it cause I believe it treated me unfairly. It's more sadness and resignation than hate.
I believe that rejecting an individual purely on the basis of their religious affiliation or lack thereof IS unfair. Rejecting an individual simply because your religion tells you so IS unfair. To be rejected by a stranger is one thing, but to hear "I love you more than myself and I can't live without you but I can't be with you cause you are not Muslim" is whole new level of rejection. 



That's why I do think I have a right to have some grievances towards the religion, NOT the people/Muslims as a whole.
How different people choose to conceptualise certain ideas is what makes them different. I do try my best approaching everyone on an individual basis without prior prejudice and I would like to be treated the same.
I don't want this bad experience to spill into my relations with people but I must say that having been interacting with Muslims and believers (some in RL, some on the internet) it seems that they have the exact same opinion about non-believers as my ex had. And I don't think it's a coincidence. It MUST be coming from somewhere...


Does it hurt me? Yes, it does hurt me a great deal. Even more because I haven't received any reasonable answers from him. My arguments were immediately dismissed as not valid without giving any reason whatsoever.
Why do I care? Why am I still dwelling on this? Because I don't like being treated unfairly. I also see implications of such attitude on a bigger scale. What happened to me is nothing, but if you think of thousands of people, it changes the perspective. 


I apologise if I offended anyone. However, this blog is for me to deal with my experiences that had a major impact on the past 2 years of my life. It's a way of verification of conclusions that I arrived at or changing my opinions when necessary.

I don't want to hold on to my anger and resentment anymore. It's been too long and it's high time to let it go... 

This is beyond ridiculous!

I really thought that my ex had exhausted ways of showing how hypocritical he is but man, I was wrong!


He fancies himself as a Muslim man trying to do his best in his deen. He loves Allah, Muhammad, believes in the Qur'an and the Day of Judgement. He must think that makes him superior to others when it comes to character. In reality, the man has got no integrity whatsoever. I think he passed the point of no return.


I received an email from him on Wednesday where he expressed his desire to recover our friendship, and that he would cherish it.
Being me - an internet savvy little stalker - I checked out his twitter (which I haven't done in months) and what do I see? A tweet in Arabic who a friend of mine translated for me cause google translate didn't do a good job at all. A tweet that reads something along the lines:


"Do not frequently praise the one you love..And do not befriend/follow someone who doesn't obey his God.. don't go easy on others, don't overreact and under react. And when you become depressed, then get up, pray and do takbeer" [takbeer is saying "Allahu akbar"]


A tweet only one week old! And do not befriend/follow someone who doesn't obey his God... Well, that would be me! Hello?! I do not obey God so by his own standards he is not supposed to be befriending me. What is he doing sending me an email and wanting to be friends? Hypocrisy much? Seriously! When is he gonna practice what he preaches? *le sigh*

So... Do you speak Arabic?

This is one of the commonly used arguments to discredit your point. As long as you don’t speak Arabic, your argument is invalid.

There is a really funny thing that happens and I’m not sure if you noticed. Go onto any blog, youtube channel, forum, etc. where people publicly announce that they have accepted Islam and read the reactions. There is no end to mashallahs and alhamdulillahs. Also, no one asks whether the convert speaks fluent Arabic and can understand the Qur’an in its original language. Sanity of the person in question is not disputed either.

But turn the tables and dare to say sth critical of Islam or express doubt(s). Then the first question you get asked is whether you speak fluent Arabic. Whilst leaving Islam pretty much equals insanity. Double-standard much?

First of all, according to my knowledge most Arab Muslims don’t understand the Qur’an well. According to my understanding you need to know Classical Arabic, which even most Arabs don’t know, to be able to understand all the nuances in the Qur’an. Speaking colloquial Arabic doesn’t mean that you are being literate or proficient in Classical Arabic. It is also valuable to study pre-Islamic poetry for better understanding.

So we can have two arguments now.

Only about 20% of all Muslims are Arabs who speak Arabic. However, as demonstrated above not all of them will be fluent in Classical Arabic. For argument’s sake let’s say that 10% of world population knows Classical Arabic and hence is able to understand it. It would mean that 90% of people are not able to understand the Qur’an. That makes the Qur’an obsolete to 90% of the world’s population! Universal? I think not.

Consider another scenario. You might need to know Classical Arabic to appreciate the poetry and structure of the Qur’an, and minor nuances but the overall message is clear. Personally I don’t think that one needs to understand Arabic to grasp the abhorrent concept of Hell or rules of inheritance as laid out in the Qur’an. I was told by Arabic speakers that some parts of the Qur’an are beautifully constructed and pleasant to read. I believe them. I also think that things do get lost in translation when it comes to the structure, flow, melody, etc. But to claim that the actual content is lost when translating?

The main point stands. If I need to know Arabic to actually understand the Qur’an, then by all means it is not universal, it is not perfect and thus cannot be the product of a perfect being.

P.S. I absolutely LOVE Arabic calligraphy. I'm really angry at myself now that I didn't use the opportunity and go to calligraphy classes organised by one of the societies back at uni. Ahh... maybe one day :-)

There I was God...

I remember the drama I went through around a year ago when we broke up for the first time. I was trying to write my dissertation but could hardly focus on it. I was heart-broken, empty, desperate, angry and feeling thousands of emotions at once. I was looking for anything that would lead me to Islam. Anything at all. Anything that would make me understand and accept this religion that seemed to me so foreign and unforgivable. 
I couldn't sleep at night so I prayed. I prayed during the day. I prayed for guidance for myself, for his tolerance, for anything that would keep us together...


Before we parted in June I asked him to teach me how to pray the way he does. Never got round to it. So I searched internet for 'tutorials' on how to pray 'Muslim style'. I performed the ritual ablutions the way I thought was right, wrapped a scarf on my head (youtube taught me how), faced the Ka'aba and started praying with printed instructions in my hand. I knew that my prayer was very much imperfect but I don't think I have ever been more sincere in my prayers as I was at that moment. 


I didn't cry. I wept. As I was going through the motions, I was weeping. I was on my knees, in prostration begging God to hear me, to help me... I guess that wasn't enough.

Interfaith marriage - my stance.

I don’t think interfaith marriages are a walk in the park but I think they are doable. They certainly require a lot of tolerance from both sides. This is what it boils down to: tolerance, respect, open mind and non-dogmatic approach to religion and spirituality.

Just imagine being with somebody of the same faith but different levels of practice or interpretation. It would probably cause pretty much exactly the same amount of friction in such relationship as in an inter-faith one.

In my opinion, the problem starts when one or both sides claim to have monopoly on the ‘ultimate truth’. Once you convinced yourself that your religion is the ultimate truth, you passed the point of no return. Forget about flexible approach and discussing things openly.

When I first came in contact with Islam I found it as fascinating as I find it now. It was different and exotic. I didn’t see anything wrong with him being a Muslim and practicing his religion, and me being... well, just me... with no religion but still celebrating Christmas. I thought it would be great for me to partake in Ramadan and then Eid and for him to see how we celebrate Christmas in my family. I thought it would be an enriching experience.

I imagined our children being taught (not idoctrinated!) about different religions and different ways of reaching out to God and once they would be old enough, they would decide for themselves what path they want to choose for themselves. I thought it was only fair for both parents to have a say in their childrens’ religious upbringing. I could have been more wrong.

However, for most couples my ideas would be inconceivable. Just imagine for a second that if you cannot fully accept somebody you love dearly, what kind of attitude will you have towards strangers who don't share your religious beliefs? It saddens me. It makes me angry that there are couples out there who find their way to each other among millions of people would reject love because of religion and dogma that rules their lives. It’s so extremely divisive and harmful. It makes me sad that it happened to me. It makes me feel as if someone took away my faith in humanity as a whole...

Will I ever become a Muslim?

It appears that those who are reading my blog are interested about my journey towards Islam. 
There seems to be a misunderstanding that I wish to clear up. 


I have no intention of becoming a Muslim. Something very extraordinary would have to happen for me to accept Islam as my religion. 
I had a very brief moment that I thought: this is it! I found it!
But it appeared to be only emotions. 


Since I'm an adult woman now I think that if I were to pick any religion for myself it would have to be the ultimate truth. I'm not a 'middle of the road' kind of person. It's all or nothing for me. If there is just one thing that I don't agree with, one thing that doesn't agree with my idea of God, then I will not go ahead with conversion. 


Since I didn't convert to Islam, some of you will ask why not just leave it alone? Why am I writing about inconsistencies in other people's religion?


The answer is very simple. I find Islam absolutely fascinating. I find learning about it rewarding and satisfying. Sure, my views are not going to be very popular but I still want to put them out there.

Q&A Episode 1: Is Islam/Qur'an perfect?

There have been interesting discussions so far that I'm enjoying immensely! The concept of God and scripture reappears quite often. I would like to comment on views of my commentators but also present my own perspective.

There are a lot of issues that are being discussed at the same time. I would like to concentrate on ONE point at a time and discuss it in details.

As different people make different assertions I will try to present the points of view I came across so far and my thoughts on them. I want to break it down into small chunks. I will also use dictionary definitions to make sure that we are talking about the same thing.

When I think of Islam, Qur'an immediately comes to my mind. Qur'an is the foundation of what Islam is about. Later come hadiths and sira of Muhammad.

Let us take a look at Qur'an as a scripture, as a book of guidance, as a divine revelation.

1. Qur'an is considered to be the verbatim word of God.

32:2 Sahih International

[This is] the revelation of the Book about which there is no doubt from the Lord of the worlds.

hence:

1a. We can assume that the Qur'an is perfect i.e. not having any mistakes, faults, or damage as we would expect from God – an omnipotent and omniscient being.

1b. It also says about itself:

2:2 Sahih International

This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah -

Yusuf Ali

This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah;

16:89 Sahih International

And [mention] the Day when We will resurrect among every nation a witness over them from themselves. And We will bring you, [O Muhammad], as a witness over your nation. And We have sent down to you the Book as clarification for all things and as guidance and mercy and good tidings for the Muslims.

17:9 Sahih International

Indeed, this Qur'an guides to that which is most suitable and gives good tidings to the believers who do righteous deeds that they will have a great reward.

There are two assertions being made that Qur'an is:

a) without doubt (dict. doubt = a feeling of being not sure whether sth is true or right)

b) guidance [I also often hear that Qur'an is like a manual for life]

(guidance = help and advice given to someone about their work/education etc;

manual = a book that gives instructions about how to do sth.)

There is also verse 5:19

Sahih International

O People of the Scripture, there has come to you Our Messenger to make clear to you [the religion] after a period [of suspension] of messengers, lest you say, "There came not to us any bringer of good tidings or a warner." But there has come to you a bringer of good tidings and a warner. And Allah is over all things competent.

The Qur’an says that it makes CLEAR what is expected of believers in:

9:115 Sahih International

And Allah would not let a people stray after He has guided them until He makes clear to them what they should avoid. Indeed, Allah is Knowing of all things.

24:34 Yusuf Ali

We have already sent down to you verses making things clear, an illustration from (the story of) people who passed away before you, and an admonition for those who fear (Allah).

[please note this time I used Ali’s translation cause Sahih says: sent down to you distinct verses while Khan, Pickthall and Ali translate it as making things plain]

24: 46 Yusuf Ali

We have indeed sent down signs that make things manifest: and Allah guides whom He wills to a way that is straight.

36:69 Sahih International

And We did not give Prophet Muhammad, knowledge of poetry, nor is it befitting for him. It is not but a message and a clear Qur'an.

5:3 Sahih International

(…) This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islam as religion.

I think we established enough that the Qur’an claims to be clear (mubeen) and provides guidance to believers.

The Qur’an also claims that falsehood cannot creep into its text in:

41:41-42 Sahih International

Indeed, those who disbelieve in the message after it has come to them... And indeed, it is a mighty Book.

Falsehood cannot approach it from before it or from behind it; [it is] a revelation from a [Lord who is] Wise and Praiseworthy.

15:9 Sahih International

Indeed, it is We who sent down the Qur'an and indeed, We will be its guardian.

While in 4:82 it says it is free from discrepancy:

Sahih International

Then do they not reflect upon the Qur'an? If it had been from [any] other than Allah , they would have found within it much contradiction.

Right, so we got that out of the way :-)

It seems that I’m in agreement with Usagi, who wrote a post as a reply to my questions here, that the Qur’an has been protected and as a word of God should be flawless.

I will write about the issue of Arabic and translation in another post. As I said, one topic at a time.

However, I didn’t extract a satisfying answer to the following questions:

If the Qur’an is perfect, flawless and CLEAR why:

1) do we have so much disagreement over what its verses mean?

2) do we have different schools of Islamic thought that not necessarily agree on the details (which shouldn’t be the case if the book is plain and clear in the first place)

3) what about:

12:1 Sahih International

Alif, Lam, Ra. These are the verses of the clear Book.

15:1 Sahih International

Alif, Lam, Ra. These are the verses of the Book and a clear Qur'an.

26_1-2 Sahih International

Ta, Seen, Meem. These are the verses of the clear Book.

Where is the clarity in those abbreviated letters? What do they mean? 

Commentators on that post disagree whether translations are good enough and convey an accurate meaning (next post so please refrain from comments on this one just yet :-) ). There also comes an issue of Arabic language as such.

3) Is Qur’an easy to understand or not? Views seem to be divided on this one. And it is an extremely important issue as we are talking about eternal punishment in hellfire.

4) Stephi said that the Qur’an is not easy to understand but the Qur’an says otherwise… If the book is clear then I believe easy understanding would follow.

On the other hand, If it is easy then why am I often advised to supplement reading of the Qur’an with hadiths and tafsirs to understand THE TRUE meaning?

5) One commenter says that the current Qur’an is probably filled with a few flaws, which I believe goes against the Islamic tradition. Could a perfect and omnipotent God send a book of guidance with flaws?

Uff, I think I'm done! I would like to add so many things but wanted to keep it short and stick to one topic which proved to be very difficult :-)

Thank you for reading and well done if you got through until the end :-)