Almost ABC :)

I was tagged by a fellow blogger Under the Abaya (make sure to check it out and chip in your thoughts :) ) to fill in this short Abc about myself. So here it goes :-)

A

– Available: Always to my friends. 

– Age: 25

– Animals: I love them all! 

B

– Beer: My acquired taste.

– Best friends: I have a handful of very good friends. The type I can call at 3am.

– Body Part on opposite sex: Hands, eyes and shoulders/arms.

– Best feeling in the world: Loving someone and being loved back.

– Best weather: clear blue sky, sunny, light breeze, I would say... 27 degrees

– Been in Love: Yes

– Been on stage: A couple of times. Hated it with passion.

– Believe in Magic: Yeah... kinda ;-)

– Believe in Santa: Nope but he is a perfect excuse to treat my family sth extra!

– Brand: Clothes - Zara, H&M, Oasis, New Look.

C

– Candy: chocolate, nougat and toffee. throw in some nuts too!

– Color: Nudes and natural colours. I like royal blue and plum. Dislike candy pink very much.

– Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate

- Chinese/Indian/Italian: Indian won over Chinese

- Cake or pie: It depends. Being a sweet tooth I will have both :)

– Cheese: Love cheese! All types! I'm a cheese monster ;-)

D

– Day or Night: A bit of both.

– Dancing in the rain: Fun

E

– Eyes: Greenish/blueish/grayish with a splash of brown. 

– Ever failed a class?: Nope. 

– Enemies: I am not sure. Probably but I don't care.

– Exercise: Yes, try to do it on a regular basis. Currently gym and swimming a few times a week.

F

– First thoughts waking up: Blooody hell! ;-)

– Food: Love food, love to eat it and prefer baking over cooking.

G

– Greatest Fear: Ending up alone with no one to share my life with.

– Get along with your parents: Yes, very well. Especially my mom

H

– Hair Color:  Dark brown

– Happy: me <----------------------> happy

                            (pretty far)

– Holiday: would love to go! need it and I need it soon!

I

– Ice Cream: Ben and Jerry's half baked, nom nom nom!

J

– Jewelry: I wear it occasionally

– Job: Full time, soon to be unemployed :(

K

– Kids: I don't have any and not planning to have biological kids. I would like to adopt

– Kickboxing or karate: Haven't tried but would like to.

– Keep a journal?: No but this blog counts to certain extent I guess.

L

– Love: pain, heartbreak but also the meaning and purpose of my life 

– Laughed so hard you cried: yep, just a week ago when my friends were visiting :-)

M

- Milk flavor: plain will do just fine. I like soya milk very much.

– Movies: Used to watch loads. Mental note: must get back to watching films.

– Motion sickness: Yes, strikes me randomly.

N

– Number: 4 and 8

O

– One wish: People putting aside their differences and uniting to make this world a better place.

P

– Perfect Pizza: any :D

– Pepsi/Coke: doesn't matter as long as it's diet

– Perfume/Cologne: I like heavy perfume, oriental notes, oud. I also love men's fragrances. Creed Silver and Chanel Allure would be my fav.

Q

– Quail: not sure what to answer..

R

– Reason to cry: Broken heart, disappointment, being let down.

– Reality T.V: Never watched it, don't like it.

– Radio Station: Rarely listen to it. They can make me hate songs that I love.

S

– Song: Sade - Bulletproof Soul (I LOVE this woman!)

– Shoe size: 7 UK

– Salad Dressing: have a few in my cabinet at work ;-)

– Skinny dip: naah, I will pass

– Strawberries/Blueberries: Blueberries

– Sport: Not a big fan of watching. Try to do sth regularly myself.

- Sex: Female

T

– Tattoos?: No. As I get older it seems it's not a good idea.

– Thunderstorms: Make me anxious. 

U

– Unpredictable: Yep. That's me.

V

– Vacation spot(s): anywhere in the world. Would love to see the entire Scandinavia properly and Middle East.

W

– Weakness: don't get me started... too emotional.

– Who makes you laugh the most: no one/nothing in particular. Depends on circumstances.

– Worst Weather?: Grey sky and rain pouring down.

X

– X-Rays: had them done a few times.

Y

-Year it is now: 2011

-Yellow: Pages.

Z

– Zoo animal: like them all in their natural habitat. Zoo? I don't like and don't go. Their sight breaks my heart.

Phew! That would be it! I would like to tag Safiyah, Marie from the Colour of our Skin and Usagi. Hope they have fun filling it in :)

Thanks for stopping by and have a good day everyone!

So... Do you speak Arabic?

This is one of the commonly used arguments to discredit your point. As long as you don’t speak Arabic, your argument is invalid.

There is a really funny thing that happens and I’m not sure if you noticed. Go onto any blog, youtube channel, forum, etc. where people publicly announce that they have accepted Islam and read the reactions. There is no end to mashallahs and alhamdulillahs. Also, no one asks whether the convert speaks fluent Arabic and can understand the Qur’an in its original language. Sanity of the person in question is not disputed either.

But turn the tables and dare to say sth critical of Islam or express doubt(s). Then the first question you get asked is whether you speak fluent Arabic. Whilst leaving Islam pretty much equals insanity. Double-standard much?

First of all, according to my knowledge most Arab Muslims don’t understand the Qur’an well. According to my understanding you need to know Classical Arabic, which even most Arabs don’t know, to be able to understand all the nuances in the Qur’an. Speaking colloquial Arabic doesn’t mean that you are being literate or proficient in Classical Arabic. It is also valuable to study pre-Islamic poetry for better understanding.

So we can have two arguments now.

Only about 20% of all Muslims are Arabs who speak Arabic. However, as demonstrated above not all of them will be fluent in Classical Arabic. For argument’s sake let’s say that 10% of world population knows Classical Arabic and hence is able to understand it. It would mean that 90% of people are not able to understand the Qur’an. That makes the Qur’an obsolete to 90% of the world’s population! Universal? I think not.

Consider another scenario. You might need to know Classical Arabic to appreciate the poetry and structure of the Qur’an, and minor nuances but the overall message is clear. Personally I don’t think that one needs to understand Arabic to grasp the abhorrent concept of Hell or rules of inheritance as laid out in the Qur’an. I was told by Arabic speakers that some parts of the Qur’an are beautifully constructed and pleasant to read. I believe them. I also think that things do get lost in translation when it comes to the structure, flow, melody, etc. But to claim that the actual content is lost when translating?

The main point stands. If I need to know Arabic to actually understand the Qur’an, then by all means it is not universal, it is not perfect and thus cannot be the product of a perfect being.

P.S. I absolutely LOVE Arabic calligraphy. I'm really angry at myself now that I didn't use the opportunity and go to calligraphy classes organised by one of the societies back at uni. Ahh... maybe one day :-)

There I was God...

I remember the drama I went through around a year ago when we broke up for the first time. I was trying to write my dissertation but could hardly focus on it. I was heart-broken, empty, desperate, angry and feeling thousands of emotions at once. I was looking for anything that would lead me to Islam. Anything at all. Anything that would make me understand and accept this religion that seemed to me so foreign and unforgivable. 
I couldn't sleep at night so I prayed. I prayed during the day. I prayed for guidance for myself, for his tolerance, for anything that would keep us together...


Before we parted in June I asked him to teach me how to pray the way he does. Never got round to it. So I searched internet for 'tutorials' on how to pray 'Muslim style'. I performed the ritual ablutions the way I thought was right, wrapped a scarf on my head (youtube taught me how), faced the Ka'aba and started praying with printed instructions in my hand. I knew that my prayer was very much imperfect but I don't think I have ever been more sincere in my prayers as I was at that moment. 


I didn't cry. I wept. As I was going through the motions, I was weeping. I was on my knees, in prostration begging God to hear me, to help me... I guess that wasn't enough.

Interfaith marriage - my stance.

I don’t think interfaith marriages are a walk in the park but I think they are doable. They certainly require a lot of tolerance from both sides. This is what it boils down to: tolerance, respect, open mind and non-dogmatic approach to religion and spirituality.

Just imagine being with somebody of the same faith but different levels of practice or interpretation. It would probably cause pretty much exactly the same amount of friction in such relationship as in an inter-faith one.

In my opinion, the problem starts when one or both sides claim to have monopoly on the ‘ultimate truth’. Once you convinced yourself that your religion is the ultimate truth, you passed the point of no return. Forget about flexible approach and discussing things openly.

When I first came in contact with Islam I found it as fascinating as I find it now. It was different and exotic. I didn’t see anything wrong with him being a Muslim and practicing his religion, and me being... well, just me... with no religion but still celebrating Christmas. I thought it would be great for me to partake in Ramadan and then Eid and for him to see how we celebrate Christmas in my family. I thought it would be an enriching experience.

I imagined our children being taught (not idoctrinated!) about different religions and different ways of reaching out to God and once they would be old enough, they would decide for themselves what path they want to choose for themselves. I thought it was only fair for both parents to have a say in their childrens’ religious upbringing. I could have been more wrong.

However, for most couples my ideas would be inconceivable. Just imagine for a second that if you cannot fully accept somebody you love dearly, what kind of attitude will you have towards strangers who don't share your religious beliefs? It saddens me. It makes me angry that there are couples out there who find their way to each other among millions of people would reject love because of religion and dogma that rules their lives. It’s so extremely divisive and harmful. It makes me sad that it happened to me. It makes me feel as if someone took away my faith in humanity as a whole...

One step forward, two steps back.

My friends came over for a few days and we went to Amsterdam today. Again I recalled all the places we went to, things we ate and spots we took pictures. It hurts. It gives me this sinking feeling in my stomach.
I'm a person for whom places, smells, food and events bring memories about people I spent my time with.


I MUST create new memories but today I can't help but miss him. I miss him a lot... I want him back. I was considering texting him. I know that if I saw him today, the only thing I would want is to take him in my arms and breathe in the smell of his skin. Feel safe and loved again.


Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart but no one on the outside can tell. Tomorrow I will feel better I hope...

What God said...

This song hardly needs a comment.

Will I ever become a Muslim?

It appears that those who are reading my blog are interested about my journey towards Islam. 
There seems to be a misunderstanding that I wish to clear up. 


I have no intention of becoming a Muslim. Something very extraordinary would have to happen for me to accept Islam as my religion. 
I had a very brief moment that I thought: this is it! I found it!
But it appeared to be only emotions. 


Since I'm an adult woman now I think that if I were to pick any religion for myself it would have to be the ultimate truth. I'm not a 'middle of the road' kind of person. It's all or nothing for me. If there is just one thing that I don't agree with, one thing that doesn't agree with my idea of God, then I will not go ahead with conversion. 


Since I didn't convert to Islam, some of you will ask why not just leave it alone? Why am I writing about inconsistencies in other people's religion?


The answer is very simple. I find Islam absolutely fascinating. I find learning about it rewarding and satisfying. Sure, my views are not going to be very popular but I still want to put them out there.

My religious background.

picture

I decided to write this post in order to dispel any kind of assumptions about my religious background, which seems to be important when having discussion about religion.

I was brought up in a Catholic family. My parents were/are not strict Catholics although it’s getting worse with their age. When I was a kid my mom read the Children’s Bible to me. I can hardly remember anything now.

Personally, I never liked going to church and would always try come up with excuses not to go. That’s why pretty much every Sunday we would have a fight about going to church which would end up with me going anyway just to appease them.

I thought confession was a ridiculous concept and went for the last time about 12 years ago. At first I felt bad about it but not anymore. While I still believed, I would get on my knees at home and ‘confess’ straight to God. Then I would lie to my parents about going to confession, oh irony!

I don’t like rituals and could never understand why I have to pray in church instead of my own house. Hypocrisy of people didn’t cease to amaze me. Turning up for Sunday mass all done up ready to compare clothing and show to the entire congregation how pious they are.

When I left the house for studies in another city, I stopped going to church altogether even though I lived just across the street of one! I would go before exams, just in case. That’s when I rememberd God. I would still pray before bed and that’s just about it.

My mom wasn’t impressed with me getting into a relationship with a Muslim + Arab man and was very disappointed with me even entertaining the idea of conversion to Islam.

What she didn’t know is that as I was researching Islam, I pretty much lost all faith in organised religion.

I don’t pray at all these days but I do think about God a lot. Whether He is out there, whether He cares at all, what’s the point of it all...