I have long breaks in postings cause as I try to post some of my thoughts about Islam, I read a lot about it from different sources and I get all depressed to the point that I no longer want to write anything. Just don't want Islam or any religion of that matter anywhere near my life.
Besides, my parents have been giving me a hard time due to my rather not-so-cheerful attitude about going to church. I've tried to put on a smiley face and just go, do it for my folks but... Yeah, everything was going according to the plan if it wasn't for my father who decided to be the head of the family which made him put on 'whatever I say, goes' kind of attitude that I loooove so much. A light-hearted conversation about all of us going to church turned into an argument really quickly. An ugly one.
I heard from my mother that the things I say (and I only said that I don't want to go to church, period) sound as if satan is speaking through me. Frikkin' SATAN!
My father concluded that if I don't like living in the house so much then I'm free to go. He also came to the conclusion that they FAILED as parents because their child doesn't want to go to church.
Really? F**king really? A child not wanting to go to church is a failure? I really have to think about doing sth that will make his statement justified such as I don't know... stealing or hurting somebody so that he has to pick me up from the police station or maybe getting locked up in prison would be good enough.
What bothers me the most is that I didn't even tell them that I don't consider myself Christian anymore. On a good day I will say, I believe in God, who most likely doesn't even give a f*** about us. On a bad day, I don't believe in God at all and want the whole world to know. But there is this stigma attached to atheists, agnostics and other people who simply don't know whether they believe in God as if they are some kind of evil incarnated!
It bothers me to know that my parents would likely never accept my non-belief. It hurts me to think that they would think of me as someone evil, bad, with no morals, no consideration for others, deprived of compassion simply because I don't believe. I feel I'm being deemed as not good enough anymore just like in case with my ex (readers are free to believe whatever they want, but I do think religion was the ultimate reason for break-up of our relationship).
Out of all people I would expect my parents to see me for who I really am but I'm afraid it's not going to happen. It doesn't really give me warm fuzzy feelings either. /rant
