On being offended.

This post was prompted by a comment left by Sarah on my last post:

Why do you keep attacking a religion that you decided wasn't for you, leave it and move on. It's really annoying the way people like you always try to justify to others your reasons for making your decision. Who cares, just leave my beliefs alone, no need to try to save me or other true muslims from our religion. Sarah

It's not the only comment of this sort that I received since this blog started. Hence, I thought I will briefly post what I think about comments like that.

First of all, I think there is an important distinction that needs to be made between attacking and criticising. I don't think I am attacking a religion, let alone people. Criticising, yes. Criticism is about expressing one's disapproval of someone or something, talking about their faults or expressing judgments about the good and bad qualities of something. If you get your panties in a bunch because of someone on the internet writing something that clashes with your 'Islam is perfect' idea, then it just MIGHT indicate that your idea(s) about Islam are not as watertight as you would like them to be and it's time to revise them. Just a thought.

Even if I am criticising Islam, if you love Islam and feel completely confident of your beliefs, then what do you care what I think about it? 

Secondly, I am of the opinion that religious doctrine is just like any other set of beliefs or ideas out there that are free to be examined and commented on. I have had MY ideas criticised many times in the past. In fact, thanks to such exchanges with others, I changed some of my ideas simply because they showed me the error of my thinking and after doing some research myself I came to the conclusion that I was wrong. I am still alive and I am not even one bit traumatized from such experience. If I can do it, you can do it too.

Also, please learn to differentiate between criticism of an idea vs a person/group of people. 

Thirdly, I think that most of the time people who leave such comments as above have no problem whatsoever with converts broadcasting their conversion via their blogs, facebook, youtube, you name it! Some of them even become 'celebrities' simply because they embraced Islam. It's okay for them to tell the whole wide world why they converted, why their previous religion was just pure nonsense but it's annoying when someone who decides Islam is not for him/her, or leaves the deen altogether gives their reasons for doing so. Double standard much?

Lastly, NO ONE is forcing anyone to read this blog. Everyone who comes here does so out of their own free will. If anyone has a comment, disagrees with anything I write is more than welcome to tell me why he/she thinks I am wrong, provide a counter-argument or bring to my attention things which I might have missed while I was coming to a conclusion on a particular subject. Absolutely! But it's a cop out to simply tell me to mind my own business.

So please, allow me the rights that you yourself enjoy. Thank you :-)

And something to light things up a bit:

Struggling to understand...

source

One of the members of The Council of Ex-Muslims Forum (CEMB) posted yet another brilliant video on CEMB's youtube channel. He explains why he left Islam and bids those who watch it farewell as he is moving on with his life. His other videos are worth checking out as I feel he is being very fair and asks legitimate questions about the faith.

As I stated before, I am still very much interested in Islam as a religion but also in people who are Muslims. 

I have never been an even moderately religious person. Religion for me was a personal matter. First time I had to think about religion was when I met my now ex-bf. I watched loads of conversion to Islam stories on youtube. Most of them by women. I was kind of fascinated with convert stories. Could I become one of them? They were soft-spoken and looked really content. I was wondering where it was coming from, and yes, I wanted it for myself too. 

However, when I started to actually read the Qur'an, hadiths and Islamic websites my fascination turned into asking one simple question over and over again: why? 

Until now I struggle a bit to understand why women convert to Islam. I must have comprehension issues.

Personally, as soon as I found verse 4:34, I was pretty much done. There was no way around this verse. I have searched high and low for interpretations. The apologetic ones seemed stretched. 

I would still read the Qur'an hoping that there is something that would change my mind. But I didn't find anything apart from more 'nails to the coffin'.

I do know for a fact that if you want to believe Islam is the truth, you can do it. You can surround yourself with material that supports your point of view. There is plenty of Islamic websites that simply omit problematic verses and teachings. You are not to find out about them BEFORE you convert. Those who give dawah will not present you verses that might trouble your conscience. There is even a word that somebody coined for such practice: dawahganda. 

Once you invested in your conversion and crossed that bridge, you are let into a secret and are allowed to find out about the less pleasant bits.

I understand that some people before their conversion were led to believe into a different Islam than the one presented to them AFTER they converted. There are plenty of female bloggers who struggle with parts of the scripture and still cling to it as a drowning man will clutch to a straw. Why search far and wide for excuses and preform intelectual acrobatics to explain away things that make you feel uncomfortable? Why not admit that there are problematic areas in Islam, maybe some that are simply irreconcilable with your conscience? Shouldn't it be about what the truth is instead of what gives you warm fuzzy feelings?

Hamza Andreas Tzortizs and others on their non-muslim parents.

When I was considering conversion I went on youtube for some quick stories of those who already took this step. It was important for me to know how they approached certain subjects that I found difficult if not impossible to reconcile. There are plenty of convert stories on youtube as they are supposed to be some kind of a proof that Islam is spreading. 

I wasn't a person who thought about religion and God a lot so my research prompted a plenty of questions that I never asked myself. I never really thought of the whole concept of Hell. I didn't really think of Heaven either but simply assumed that if you are a good human being, you will go to heaven. After reading the Qur'an and spending some time on islamic forums I realised that this Hell-Heaven thing is serious business and people do actually fear Hell and dream of Heaven. It wasn't until very late in my research that a very uncomfortable thought occurred. Namely, if I converted and was granted Jannah (Paradise), my parents, as non-Muslims, would go to Hell. To top it up I would be able to see the torment of those in Hell:

Sahih International
7:50 And the companions of the Fire will call to the companions of Paradise, "Pour upon us some water or from whatever Allah has provided you." They will say, "Indeed, Allah has forbidden them both to the disbelievers."

So my parents and dear friends would ask me for water and some food and I would have to refuse... This brings me to a couple of videos I found on youtube.
First one is by Hamza Tzortizs talking about his non-Muslim parents:



The reality is, dear readers, that he willingly accepted totally wicked and twisted ideas that Islam teaches. It's pathology, plain and simple. For a split second I felt sorry for him but then I realised that his torment is self-inflicted and it makes me feel nothing else but revulsion. How can he possibly WORSHIP the same being that is going to torture his parents, who love him very much and he loves them, forever? How can he possibly not see anything disturbing in it? How the hell (pun not intended) can he reconcile the idea of Allah roasting his parents for eternity and at the same time believe he is some kind of pinnacle of goodness and mercy? It's just beyond me. 
Hamza also loved his granddad very much. He speaks about him in this vid:



His granddad, who meant the world to him, fell ill and Hamza decided immediately to go and see him. He says: I have to go and see him. Give him dawah! To prevent him from going to the hellfire!

How can the only thing you can think of is converting the person who means the world to you while he/she is on his/her deathbed? How is it not sick and twisted to have such a thing on your mind when one of your loved ones is dying? Again, how can he continue to worship a being that will torture his loved ones for eternity?

Same question could go to Abdur Raheem Green who on 26th August tweeted: 
Please make dua'a for my father who is critically ill that Allah (SWT) opens his heart to the light of Islam and if he is to die, let him die in a state of eeman. Ameen.


On 2nd October he posted this:
Dear brothers and sisters, May Allah have mercy on you and reward you for all your du'aas which, All Praises due to Allah, have been answered. Around 10 Days ago, my father said the testimony of Faith and a few days ago despite him being barely able to talk we spent half an hour repeating over and over the shahaadah. Last night at 2220 I received a call from my Mother informing me that my Father Passed away. Insha'Allah he died as a person of eemaan. Please continue to make dua'a for him and of course that my mother is guided to Islam.


The idea of him hassling a dying man to convert and making sure he is in the 'right team' instead of catering to his emotional needs... well, it's pathological evil to me.
This highlights how insidious Islam as a religious ideology is. 


And the last video:



That was straight-up cruel and evil of Zakir Naik. I think this lady instinctively knows the sadism and vileness she was brainwashed into but for some reason she can't snap out of it. I would think, people like her should know better...
Hard to believe for most people this is a higher moral stance...

Anger and resentment

I have been feeling pretty angry and resentful for the past couple of months, to say the least.
I am really tired of it. I want to move on, be happy with the life I have cause really there is nothing to bitch and moan about. I find it drains my energy and is not a productive power in my life in general, but for some reason I cannot let it go so easily.


My friend told me that there are stages one comes through when dealing with a break-up. I feel like I have been going to and fro between anger and acceptance. The thing is that according to me, we didn't really want to part our ways if it wasn't for religion. So there was this third and deciding factor that broke us up. I think it would be difficult for us no matter which way we took. This doesn't change the fact that I'm not so much angry at him as I'm angry with Islam (please note - not with Muslims).


It's easier for me to absolve my ex from responsibility because he didn't choose what he believes in. It was drilled and spoon-fed to him since he was a kid. It's coupled with images of hell fire and eternal torture he will have to endure if he disbelieves. This is NOT free choice. If someone holds a gun next to your head and asks you to do something, you wouldn't call it free choice, would you?


I have spent months trying to understand his mindset and where he was coming from. On one hand I understand his reasoning and on the other hand I don't because knowing how intelligent and bright he is, I would expect him to see through the bullshit, stop for a second and think. Think about what it means to us a couple, see implications of his thinking. He didn't even take time to consider for a second that he might be wrong, his attitude harmful, divisive and unfair.


I might regret for putting it out there but I do feel a lot of anger and resentment towards Islam, and other religions for that matter (my conversations on the topic of religion do not go down well with my mom).


I resent it for making my ex and some people see in binary terms: Muslims vs. non-muslims, and consequently lumping groups of people into the same sack simply due to their beliefs or lack thereof.
I resent it for making people 'love and hate for the sake of Allah'.

I resent Islam for what it made my ex think about me, about my family, for making me unacceptable to his family simply because they could not love or live under one roof with a non-believer (his words).
I resent it for putting me and him on a hostile footing. He wouldn't have had such ideas about me, my family if it wasn't for Islam.
I resent Islam for tearing us apart as a couple.


No, I DON'T hate Islam. I resent it cause I believe it treated me unfairly. It's more sadness and resignation than hate.
I believe that rejecting an individual purely on the basis of their religious affiliation or lack thereof IS unfair. Rejecting an individual simply because your religion tells you so IS unfair. To be rejected by a stranger is one thing, but to hear "I love you more than myself and I can't live without you but I can't be with you cause you are not Muslim" is whole new level of rejection. 



That's why I do think I have a right to have some grievances towards the religion, NOT the people/Muslims as a whole.
How different people choose to conceptualise certain ideas is what makes them different. I do try my best approaching everyone on an individual basis without prior prejudice and I would like to be treated the same.
I don't want this bad experience to spill into my relations with people but I must say that having been interacting with Muslims and believers (some in RL, some on the internet) it seems that they have the exact same opinion about non-believers as my ex had. And I don't think it's a coincidence. It MUST be coming from somewhere...


Does it hurt me? Yes, it does hurt me a great deal. Even more because I haven't received any reasonable answers from him. My arguments were immediately dismissed as not valid without giving any reason whatsoever.
Why do I care? Why am I still dwelling on this? Because I don't like being treated unfairly. I also see implications of such attitude on a bigger scale. What happened to me is nothing, but if you think of thousands of people, it changes the perspective. 


I apologise if I offended anyone. However, this blog is for me to deal with my experiences that had a major impact on the past 2 years of my life. It's a way of verification of conclusions that I arrived at or changing my opinions when necessary.

I don't want to hold on to my anger and resentment anymore. It's been too long and it's high time to let it go... 

This is beyond ridiculous!

I really thought that my ex had exhausted ways of showing how hypocritical he is but man, I was wrong!


He fancies himself as a Muslim man trying to do his best in his deen. He loves Allah, Muhammad, believes in the Qur'an and the Day of Judgement. He must think that makes him superior to others when it comes to character. In reality, the man has got no integrity whatsoever. I think he passed the point of no return.


I received an email from him on Wednesday where he expressed his desire to recover our friendship, and that he would cherish it.
Being me - an internet savvy little stalker - I checked out his twitter (which I haven't done in months) and what do I see? A tweet in Arabic who a friend of mine translated for me cause google translate didn't do a good job at all. A tweet that reads something along the lines:


"Do not frequently praise the one you love..And do not befriend/follow someone who doesn't obey his God.. don't go easy on others, don't overreact and under react. And when you become depressed, then get up, pray and do takbeer" [takbeer is saying "Allahu akbar"]


A tweet only one week old! And do not befriend/follow someone who doesn't obey his God... Well, that would be me! Hello?! I do not obey God so by his own standards he is not supposed to be befriending me. What is he doing sending me an email and wanting to be friends? Hypocrisy much? Seriously! When is he gonna practice what he preaches? *le sigh*

So... Do you speak Arabic?

This is one of the commonly used arguments to discredit your point. As long as you don’t speak Arabic, your argument is invalid.

There is a really funny thing that happens and I’m not sure if you noticed. Go onto any blog, youtube channel, forum, etc. where people publicly announce that they have accepted Islam and read the reactions. There is no end to mashallahs and alhamdulillahs. Also, no one asks whether the convert speaks fluent Arabic and can understand the Qur’an in its original language. Sanity of the person in question is not disputed either.

But turn the tables and dare to say sth critical of Islam or express doubt(s). Then the first question you get asked is whether you speak fluent Arabic. Whilst leaving Islam pretty much equals insanity. Double-standard much?

First of all, according to my knowledge most Arab Muslims don’t understand the Qur’an well. According to my understanding you need to know Classical Arabic, which even most Arabs don’t know, to be able to understand all the nuances in the Qur’an. Speaking colloquial Arabic doesn’t mean that you are being literate or proficient in Classical Arabic. It is also valuable to study pre-Islamic poetry for better understanding.

So we can have two arguments now.

Only about 20% of all Muslims are Arabs who speak Arabic. However, as demonstrated above not all of them will be fluent in Classical Arabic. For argument’s sake let’s say that 10% of world population knows Classical Arabic and hence is able to understand it. It would mean that 90% of people are not able to understand the Qur’an. That makes the Qur’an obsolete to 90% of the world’s population! Universal? I think not.

Consider another scenario. You might need to know Classical Arabic to appreciate the poetry and structure of the Qur’an, and minor nuances but the overall message is clear. Personally I don’t think that one needs to understand Arabic to grasp the abhorrent concept of Hell or rules of inheritance as laid out in the Qur’an. I was told by Arabic speakers that some parts of the Qur’an are beautifully constructed and pleasant to read. I believe them. I also think that things do get lost in translation when it comes to the structure, flow, melody, etc. But to claim that the actual content is lost when translating?

The main point stands. If I need to know Arabic to actually understand the Qur’an, then by all means it is not universal, it is not perfect and thus cannot be the product of a perfect being.

P.S. I absolutely LOVE Arabic calligraphy. I'm really angry at myself now that I didn't use the opportunity and go to calligraphy classes organised by one of the societies back at uni. Ahh... maybe one day :-)

Dear Allah...

I found this video in my youtube feed and I wanted to share it with you:




I love Nessrriinn, her voice and the quality of her videos. I also like very much CEMBadmins vids:

http://www.youtube.com/user/CEMBadmins

One text, thousands meanings.

It doesn't cease to amaze me that people can read exactly the same text and derive a completely different understanding of a given text.


Qur'an is a case in point. I didn't read the Qur'an in Arabic but in English. Different translations may I add. And tafseers. And I read some hadiths too. 
When I first found out about chapter 4 verse 34 I was so surprised I quickly dismissed it as anti-Islam propaganda. For those who are not familiar, here is the verse:

Sahih International

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

Muhsin Khan

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.

Pickthall

Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.

Yusuf Ali

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).

Being me, I had to cross-check everything and I didn't find the answer I was hoping for. 
I used 4:34 because it's a perfect example of how different people interpret the Qur'an. 
Here are the interpretations I came across:


1) the verse means what it means i.e beat them


2) slightly apologetic but still true to the original version is 'beat them lightly'


3) for some Muslims it means 'leave them' 


Having had an Arab boyfriend who happens to be a native Arabic speaker I asked for clarification and I received one. It means 'beat them [lightly]". He said that the beating should be light but that's indicated in the hadith while the Qur'an simply says 'beat them'.


So what am I getting at? On one hand I like the flexibility of interpretation that Qur'an seems to give but on the other hand I can't help but wonder whether God couldn't have been more clear while passing down his message? 
Qur'an is supposed to be like a guide book. What kind of guidance is it when different people arrive at different conclusions? For example if you belong to group 3 you will probably say that those in group 1 are not following the 'real Islam' and vice versa.
What's the point then if you cannot be 110% sure that your interpretation is the correct one? Bear in mind that everyone claims they have done their research and have proofs to support their arguments. 
How do you find out the truth? After all we are not talking here about petty stuff, it's a matter of heaven or hell.


Qur'an claims to be the final revelation and to be honest I would expect Allah to be far far more clear on how he wants me to behave. I really think Allah could have done better (if it was Allah in the first place).

(2:256) There is no compulsion in religion.

I've heard this verse from the Qur'an so many times that now it makes me roll my eyes every single time I hear it. My ex-bf cited it to me on at least four different occasions and I read it on blogs and forums over and over again. It became like a flagship verse from the Qur'an. To me it means that you not only cannot force anyone to become a Muslim but also what stems from this lack of force - tolerance and acceptance of the other.


Is it practiced though? Let's see. I heard it from my ex but at the end of the day he just couldn't fathom being with a non-Muslim. Where is this lack of compulsion? You will say: he didn't force me to convert. 
True, he didn't drag me to the mosque and made me say shahada. But wouldn't you call compulsion or at least emotional blackmail when someone you love dearly tells you they cannot get over the fact that you are a non-believer? My conversion became compulsory in order for our relationship to last.
His behaviour had also nothing to do with tolerance and acceptance. He told me very clearly that he can accept me in a short relationship but he cannot imagine spending his lifetime with a non-believer. His family would get over his decision of being with a non-Muslim but would never love me.
Tolerance and acceptance? Zilch, zero, nada.


I know there are women out there who are in relationships with Muslim men who don't pressure them into converting. Very well, it's a good start. Try this: ask him whether he will allow his children to choose their own path. I'm pretty sure that 99,99% of Muslim men will say "no!"
Mine said just that and I quote: noooooo, this is sooo wrong! they have to be Muslim! being non-Muslim is sooo wrong!


So there you have it. Seem there is no compulsion, just pure tolerance and acceptance of the other. Ekhm... Nope.

My Fellow American

I saw fellow bloggers posting the vid and it tended to generate interesting discussions. I think the subject touches a sore spot with many people that's why I decided to write a post about it.


here is the vid:





I don't live in the USA, hence I'm not familiar with how extensive discrimination there is. I believe discrimination exists everywhere. I faced discrimination myself and I know how it feels. 
If a vid/project like above would make people discriminate less, I'm all up for it. Really.
However, I feel that said vid pictures non-Muslims as bigoted, full of hate or ignorant at best. And we all know that's not the case with 100% of population. Yes, there are people as those presented in this short video but there are also people who are tolerant and approach everyone on an individual basis. I also dare to say that the latter group is much much larger. 
It's exactly the same with Muslims. There will be few extreme ones who usually have big mouths and speak for all Muslims consequently painting all Muslims as extremists and terrorists. We all know that's not the case!


Now. I believe a lot of non-Muslims are concerned with Islam for a reason. Non-Muslims have legitimate questions about Islam that are very often brushed off as hate. 
Please point me to a moment in the vid that addresses any of concerns that a non-Muslim person might have. I didn't see it. 
Do you think that simply presenting Muslims and Islam as misunderstood is going to remove suspicion and in some cases fear of Islam? As if repeating "Islam is peace" often enough will make people believe that Islam IS peace. I don't think so.


Personally, I would much rather see an open debate about Islam between Islamic scholars and non-Muslims who are really knowledgable in the Qur'an, have studied Islam for a long time and preferably speak Arabic. They could discuss commonly brought up point or concerns supporting their arguments with scripture. They should take questions from audience or get them sent in advance to see which themes reoccur the most often. 
I would even throw an ex-Muslim to the panel just to spice things up ;-)


THAT I think would be far more efficient in clearing misunderstandings, fears and concerns non-Muslims might have. What do YOU think? 

Is Islam misunderstood?

I remember a winter night when I was discussing Islam with my ex. He said that Islam was easy to follow because Allah loves his creation and He wouldn't want to make it difficult for us. I think there is also a hadith saying that you should take a middle path, when it comes to practicing, rather than go to extremes.


Anyways, I have been frequenting various blogs since January 2010 and in all honesty I must say that there are as many Islams as there are Muslims. One Muslim will tell you that Islam is easy to follow, the other one will tell you it is not. The same person will tell you that the Qur'an is simple to understand but at the same time it contains meanings that we as humans cannot possibly understand (go figure!).


Every single place I go, be it youtube, blogs, islamic forums etc. I read or hear that Islam is misunderstood. But is it really? Muslims don't seem to have good understanding of Islam themselves but they are first to point out ignorance of others. They can't even agree on a simple issue of hijab, let alone terrorism or jihad, or other important aspects of their faith. However, non-Muslims still should take the beating for their "ignorance" and/or "hatred". As if when you call somebody ignorant and full of hate, it will change his/her perception of Islam (quite to the contrary cause it only indicates that you are not able to prove them wrong or support your own argument). It happened to me many many times when talking to my ex or people online and I'm sick and tired of it... 


So... What IS Islam?

Introduction to Islam part 2

As far as I remember wikipedia was the first search result that I skimmed through. Other search results on the first page were islamic websites, not anti-islam ones.
A week after our first conversation about the subject I wanted to meet him and break this relationship off. It wasn't anything in particular about Islam that threw me off but the fact that I had to be Muslim for him to accept me.
There was also another factor. He knew he would be coming back to Saudi and it was hardly negotiable. Saudi seemed to me as a land of scorching hot, men in white cloaks while women draped in meters of black looking as non-entities. It certainly didn't give me warm fuzzy feelings.


I met up with him and said that I can't be with him because he doesn't accept me for who I am. It wasn't a matter of an annoying habit or behaviour that he wanted me to change. It was my religion, my faith and my outlook on life. And I wasn't even a practicing Catholic! I wasn't going to church, reading the Bible, proclaiming Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. None of these things!


My intuition was right but even 2 weeks didn't pass and we were back together as if nothing happened... Man, I was stupid! I told him that I will continue reading about Islam, Qur'an and life in Saudi. And so I did. There are plenty of websites on which you can read the Qur'an in many different translations but since I had to do lots of reading online for my studies I was sick and tired of pdf or online resources. I wanted a book. I asked him to bring me a copy of the Qur'an from our local mosque, after all he was there at least once a week. It took him FIVE months to bring me the Qur'an!!! I can't remember who translated it but it was one of those printed or sponsored by Saudi. By the time I received it, I already read excerpts online and well... I didn't like what I read... It does show, however, how involved he was in teaching me about Islam and introducing me to his faith. He considered it so important for me to be a Muslim, yet couldn't find time to read the Qur'an with me and do research... Tbc...

Introduction to Islam part 1

A lot of people assume that after 9/11 everyone knows at least a little bit about Islam and Muslims.
I knew very little and sometimes I think: man, ignorance is bliss!


Back in January 2010 my now ex-bf told me that he would like to be with me but in a relationship as a husband and wife. It wasn't a proposal though. I couldn't believe that this boy I adored so much was thinking about me in such a serious way! I felt like "wow, really? me? seriously? you kidding!"


He was serious. However, there was a but. I needed to be Muslim. That just felt wrong to me. He wanted to be with me, but I would have to change my religion for him to accept me. These were my initial thoughts but I said I would think about it. As a person who tries not to dismiss ideas from the get-go, I promised I will look into Islam and let him know. He gave me 6 months, until the end of academic year, to decide whether I want to become a Muslim. He briefly mentioned what he as a Muslim believes in, when and how they pray, what I would have to do as a Muslim. Basics.
As I was walking home that night, I already knew that it was wrong of him to ask me to convert. It meant he didn't accept me for who I am, for the person he fell in love with. So my initial excitement dropped upon this realisation.


I knew very little about Islam at that point. I knew it is the youngest of Abrahamic religions and Muhammad is the prophet Muslims believe in; they also pray a few times a day and their holy place is Mecca, where a couple of people get trampled every year during pilgrimage. Plus, Muslim women wear headscarves and the attackers on WTC were Muslims and they did it in the name of Islam/Allah. This was as much as I knew about Islam before I got home and googled it for the first time... To be continued...