I have long breaks in postings cause as I try to post some of my thoughts about Islam, I read a lot about it from different sources and I get all depressed to the point that I no longer want to write anything. Just don't want Islam or any religion of that matter anywhere near my life.
Besides, my parents have been giving me a hard time due to my rather not-so-cheerful attitude about going to church. I've tried to put on a smiley face and just go, do it for my folks but... Yeah, everything was going according to the plan if it wasn't for my father who decided to be the head of the family which made him put on 'whatever I say, goes' kind of attitude that I loooove so much. A light-hearted conversation about all of us going to church turned into an argument really quickly. An ugly one.
I heard from my mother that the things I say (and I only said that I don't want to go to church, period) sound as if satan is speaking through me. Frikkin' SATAN!
My father concluded that if I don't like living in the house so much then I'm free to go. He also came to the conclusion that they FAILED as parents because their child doesn't want to go to church.
Really? F**king really? A child not wanting to go to church is a failure? I really have to think about doing sth that will make his statement justified such as I don't know... stealing or hurting somebody so that he has to pick me up from the police station or maybe getting locked up in prison would be good enough.
What bothers me the most is that I didn't even tell them that I don't consider myself Christian anymore. On a good day I will say, I believe in God, who most likely doesn't even give a f*** about us. On a bad day, I don't believe in God at all and want the whole world to know. But there is this stigma attached to atheists, agnostics and other people who simply don't know whether they believe in God as if they are some kind of evil incarnated!
It bothers me to know that my parents would likely never accept my non-belief. It hurts me to think that they would think of me as someone evil, bad, with no morals, no consideration for others, deprived of compassion simply because I don't believe. I feel I'm being deemed as not good enough anymore just like in case with my ex (readers are free to believe whatever they want, but I do think religion was the ultimate reason for break-up of our relationship).
Out of all people I would expect my parents to see me for who I really am but I'm afraid it's not going to happen. It doesn't really give me warm fuzzy feelings either. /rant
10 comments:
How I understand you - I have heard the same word when I met the man who is now my husband.
They consider they failed in their parents duty because I decided to marry somebody different from their expectations.
I know it is hard to know your parents will never accept you the way you are. It is a long process to accept it but it's possible.
As for the religion, believe in what you want. At the end of the day it is your life and your choice.
One of my friend is agnostic and at the beginning it felt strange but we always have interesting talk together and I don't consider her weird or anything.
Your beliefs only belong to you - stay true to yourself it's the only way to live truly.
Thinking about you because I know it is a hard time to pass. Take care.
dear Marie, thanks for your support :)
my experience only showed me how difficult it must be for those who cease to believe and have to stay keep the facade for whatever reason.
it makes me sad that i can't be honest with my parents knowing that they will never accept me but i guess that's just how it's gonna be.
thank you for your kind words again :) hugs!
I feel you so much, I actually feel like your echoing my thoughts at the moment. I grew up in a very Christian family, then converted to Islam for 1½ years, considered myself a Unitarian Universalist for a while, but these days I'm really not sure I believe in anything much at all.
My Mum thinks I "won't be saved" because I'm not a Christian anymore. It saddens me to no end.
hi Becky :)
thanks for stopping by! aww girl, I feel ya too! it's just really really saddening to hear that from your own parents who after all should know better... I'd even say it's heart-wrenching. My father saying that they have failed still echoes in my head..
I do hope for you and myself that there comes a day, when they understand :) hugs!
I suggest you to read ..
'what Islam did for us' by 'TIM WALLACE-MURPHY
P.S God is the universal power and we cannot force Him to give us what we want .. We should be thankful to Him as He gave us everything without even asking for it .. Like eyes, ears,tongue, foot, hands ..
Take care sister.
hi Fahad!
i guess, i will stick with the Qur'an, hadiths and sira for now.
unless it's somewhat relevant to the post of mine?
you can't be thankful to en entity that I'm not sure it exists you see. it gets tricky.
cheers for stopping by Fahad :)
This is such an interesting place for me. This blog of yours. Especially son since I am a Muslim I guess. You write well. But I am sure you know that already. :-)
it's because Allah loves you, that you didn't marry that man. you should never convert to islam because of someone else. the only reason you should become muslim is because you truly beleive that there is ONE creator, who created the earth and everything in it, and Muhammad, peace be upon him, is the last prophet, who came after Noah, Abraham, Moses and Jesus, peace be upon them all. there is something deep within you that beleives all this, this is your fitra (natural inclination to beleive in Allah), it's within everyone. think about it, why do you reserach islam, why is your blog called 'almost a muslimmah', why do you not go to church? islam is the fastest growing religion in the world, and if Allah wills you will become part of this family one day. Pray to Allah for guidance and i will also pray for you as well. if you want to contact me personally to discuss anything further e-mail me on minara.b@live.co.uk.
Hi Zeba,
sorry for late publishing your comment late and replying to it. lack of internet did it ;)
thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. not sure if I write well given the fact that I have trouble expressing myself.
this little blog of mine might be an interesting place for you... if you read this, may i ask how you feel about people 'out there' criticising islam?
i'm gonna have a read through your blog as well, looks very nice :) take care!
@Minara
thanks for stopping by and apologies for late reply, no internet recently.
I agree with you on the fact that no one should convert to any religion if the person is not 100% sure. It certainly shouldn't be done for marriage.
I research Islam cause it interests me. My blog is called 'almost a muslimah' cause I almost became one. I was very close. It doesn't mean that I have any inclination towards conversion Minara. Something just didn't feel quite right about it so in the end I didn't. This blog is a story of why I DIDN'T convert to Islam. I don't go to church because I don't like it.
thank you for offering your email to contact you and your prayers. I don't mean to be disrespectful but if there is a God out there, your prayers might be put to a better use if you pray for a better cause than me seeing the light... I do appreciate your gesture though :-) take care!
Post a Comment