A lot of people assume that after 9/11 everyone knows at least a little bit about Islam and Muslims.
I knew very little and sometimes I think: man, ignorance is bliss!
Back in January 2010 my now ex-bf told me that he would like to be with me but in a relationship as a husband and wife. It wasn't a proposal though. I couldn't believe that this boy I adored so much was thinking about me in such a serious way! I felt like "wow, really? me? seriously? you kidding!"
He was serious. However, there was a but. I needed to be Muslim. That just felt wrong to me. He wanted to be with me, but I would have to change my religion for him to accept me. These were my initial thoughts but I said I would think about it. As a person who tries not to dismiss ideas from the get-go, I promised I will look into Islam and let him know. He gave me 6 months, until the end of academic year, to decide whether I want to become a Muslim. He briefly mentioned what he as a Muslim believes in, when and how they pray, what I would have to do as a Muslim. Basics.
As I was walking home that night, I already knew that it was wrong of him to ask me to convert. It meant he didn't accept me for who I am, for the person he fell in love with. So my initial excitement dropped upon this realisation.
I knew very little about Islam at that point. I knew it is the youngest of Abrahamic religions and Muhammad is the prophet Muslims believe in; they also pray a few times a day and their holy place is Mecca, where a couple of people get trampled every year during pilgrimage. Plus, Muslim women wear headscarves and the attackers on WTC were Muslims and they did it in the name of Islam/Allah. This was as much as I knew about Islam before I got home and googled it for the first time... To be continued...
10 comments:
Interesting to see how your ex-boyfriend wanted you to convert. Like love is under condition.
I think conversion is a personal choice. If forced it doesn't take you anywhere.
I know you are still hurt by this loss, but in reality a Muslim man can marry a Christian or Jewish woman, as it is said in the Qu'ran. I know my husband would be happy if one day I decide to become a Muslim but it is something he never asked me to do. He respects my religion and answer my question about Islam if I have some.
Hope you will find your way back to God. No rush, God is always there for you.
Take care.
thanks for your comment Marie :-)
looking at it from perspective it was a conditional love. or put it differently... I believe he loved me but he simply could NOT get over the fact that I am not muslim and I will never be. It equals to getting know 'the truth' and rejecting it. How could he be with sb like that?
In reality a muslim man can marry a woman of the book (Christian/Jewish) but some interpret it as people of the book back then. And we both know that Christianity changed a bit since then...
Anyways, bottom line is that if sb thinks being a non-muslim is WRONG, there is no room for negotiation. I also wasn't willing to indoctrinate my children into any religion, I wanted them to choose their own paths (it seemed only fair to me). He would never agree on it. Being Muslim is the only right state for a human being.
I don't think I believe in God anymore Marie... it's because of Him and His holy book that i've lost sth i cherished so much...
thanks for stopping by :-)
I think it's very wrong that he put pressure on you, and almost forced you to convert,just to stay with him. Like Marie already said, it is a personal choice. I don't want to generalise here, but I do think that some Muslim men (or most, but want to be careful here) have a different view on love than in the West. Religion (or for some, the fact that their wife covers herself) is the most important thing to them, and everything else comes second. For example, my fiancé is very open minded and everything, but he told me (that was after I converted though, and I converted out of free will ;-) ) that he only wanted to marry a Muslim woman, because he didn't want his children to be "lost" between him and his wife. I don't agree with this view, of course, eventhough I am Muslim, and it didn't fit into my concept of "true love", but I guess it's just different to them. That doesn't make it good or acceptable though.
Coming to the point, I think it's good that you didn't convert because of him. I think, eventhough you might have married him then, that you wouldn't be happy. It's also a fact that they are very strict in Saudi (I'm not saying that every Saudi is like that then) and a woman married to a Saudi might have to deal with issues that many other Muslim women don't have to deal with (for example he might think niqaab (the face veil) is obliged) or that his wife is not allowed to work or not allowed to talk to any man, at all. What I mean, despite not knowing your ex, that there might have been a lot of struggles ahead, even if you had converted. The culture in Saudi is very strong and is not always (or in most cases it is not) consistent with Islam, even if they claim it is.
Sorry for making it long, just wanted to share my thoughts ;-)
hi Safiyah :-)
yes, it was pretty much an emotional blackmail. i didn't want to lose him and converting was what it would take to keep him. but the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that I can't lie to myself my entire life. It'd slowly eat me from inside. He, on the other hand, thought that i'm a genuine hater and a stubborn person...
it's not about covering. i wear rather modest clothing and i agreed to wear headscarf if we were to live in ME. it's about so much more than that. It's about the fact that according to his understanding of his religion he COULDN'T accept me as a non-muslim even with all the love we had. Because being a non-muslim is a WRONG state of being.
The point is that I was good enough to fall over heels in love with, cherish, care for etc. but not good enough for long-time commitment because he just couldn't get over my non-muslimness ;-)
and i don't think it's culture that taught him that...
The problem with Saudi and other GCC countries is that as a woman you have very little rights. I personally think that Saudi is the worst. You can have a good husband who will allow you all the freedom you can possibly have within the boundaries of Saudi law. BUT the system is set up in a way that a man will ALWAYS get an upper hand. And when you have serious relationship problems, do you think your husband will not use his privileges against you? I think very few wouldn't.
sorry for sounding harsh or short, in a pissy mood today ;-) thank you for stopping by and writing the comment, it wasn't too long at all :-) i enjoyed reading it :-) take care! x
You didn't sound harsh at all :-) I know that a lot of Muslims think non-Muslims are wrong, but personally I don't agree with this view. I think there are better non-Muslims than Muslims out there, for sure, and we are all human beings, with the same worth.
I don't know if it's culture or not, but I do know that in Islam it's not allowed to have a relationship before marriage, so he wasn't really being a good Muslim himself, and then he demanded of you to become Muslim, because he couldn't be with a non-Muslim! I'm sorry to say but it sounds very hypocritical to me. If it happened in his country, he could be put to death. I wish he would have looked at his own deeds instead of judging you and condemning you for not fitting into his perfect wife ideal.
Anyway, I'm happy that you were strong enough to follow your own ideals and not give up your values to please him. Good on ya! :-)
ha! tell that to Sa'dia who commented on my other post! she said she admires my ex for leaving me cause he showed his obedience to Allah's commands...
O come on :) If she thinks that doesn't mean all muslims think like that. He did wrong and if he didn't love you then he shouldn't had touch you either :)
"tell that to Sa'dia who commented on my other post! she said she admires my ex for leaving me cause he showed his obedience to Allah's commands..."
:) Im glad i went through your other posts, otherwise i wouldnt have come across this comment :) -- Its amazing how humans, who are blessed with such intellect, can misquote things... It leaves much to be desired... For someone who is so keen on understanding, you sure made no attempt to understand my views... But anyway, its ok...
Just to let you know, Christianity has not changed at all. The Bible we have to day is the same Bible as it was originally written. The core religion has not changed in the least. The Dead Sea Scrolls and other archeological finds have proven this.
Yes, there are humans who have created their own brand of Christainity and added or taken away from the "bible" they created.
But that is not the mainstream Bible that is used.
But the mainstream Christianity has not changed at all.
Archeology has proven this. It's not just a faith thing I'm talking about.
@Anon
and your point is?
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