It was my last week in UK before coming back to my home country for some time.
The weather was gorgeous that week, it was relatively warm and most of the time very sunny. It was perfect. I managed to find us a double room in a guest house despite the fact that pretty much everything was booked. The room was small but cosy, owners very nice and helpful.
I remember clearly everything during those two days we spent together. It was like a fairytale that I didn't want to end...
Just yesterday I went to the beach by bicycle with my housemate. When I sat down to clean my feet and put my shoes back on one year old memory came back to me. After walking on the beach for some time we decided to grab something to eat. I sat on the stairs to clean my feet. He asked me to wait. He quickly went to a vendor to get some water. He squatted next to me, washed my feet with bottled water, dried them with tissues, put on my socks and Converses, which I got a few months earlier from him...
I know it's silly, just one little memory. I MUST stop with this self-pity but atm I am really not sure if I will ever have capacity to love anyone as much as I loved him...
5 comments:
You do, but if you decide that you want to move. The problem seems that you have not yet chosen to because you are holding on to hope.
I recognise my old self in you. I am now happily married so I can tell you that yes you will love again, but first you have to decide to let it go.
I know it is hard to do, it took me 6 years to forget my first love. But I managed after years in darkness to find the light and start to live again. Till you keep hope of a future together, you will suffer.
hi Marie, thanks for your comment.
i find it funny how my brain associates things with him. i do sth we did together, BAAM! the memories come back rushing again.
logically, i can put forward arguments against our relationship but there is this emotional bond that I find difficult to break. especially when i think of religion and how it got into the way... i could have been in such a different place right now!
anyways, one day at a time :-) there will probably be more posts like this but hopefully less and less :-) take care! x
Please feel free to write about it, found it was the best way to let go. You won't forget about it in 1 day. You won't forget about it at all but you will learn to forgive him and to let the past be the past. It's a long process but you are on the road. Take care.
Its feel so nice that how he did it on the beach :) Cleaning your feet :)
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