I replied to my ex saying that I don't want to be friends because first of all it's all or nothing for me. That if I can't be his everything, then I will have to be his nothing. But most importantly that I didn't want to be friends with him cause he hurt me too much, at times even felt as if he destroyed me.
Email I got back wasn't a surprise at all. I was back to being evil for writing what I wrote. And it wasn't him who caused me so much pain but my pride and hatred.
I do care about him but I cannot be his friend cause I know he will only use me whenever he needs and as soon as my job is done, I won't hear from him again. Treating me somewhat as someone who is disposable.
I would like to help him, talk to him and at least listen to him but I know it's going to be toxic for me and for that reason I cannot do it. Besides, I'm still very much angry at him and resentful because of the things he said and thinks of me. I feel I've been unfairly rejected and it still hurts.
I know I need to forgive him to move on but for some reason I can't let go of all my anger.
I'm working on being a bigger person and just letting it go, and I think I'm closer than ever to achieving it. May this be a start for me to achieve inner peace.
6 comments:
I really hope you can achieve inner peace, hun. I agree that it's best not to get too involved with him. I mean, he doesn't think that he hurt you? That he did anything wrong? That says enough really. You owe him nothing, hun. Take good care of you and I hope you feel better soon! xxx
thanks hun! i know I don't owe him anything but I know that he needs my help or at least a lending ear but I guess I have to draw a line this time.
xoxox
I think you're right you can't afford getting closer to him one way or another, as you're still deeply hurt. You will forgive him one day, that doesn't mean you'll forget what he did to you. I am glad to see you are working on letting go, it's the best that can be done really. And I hope this journey will bring peace to your heart.
Take good care of yourself and with each day that pass try to let go a bit more. xxx
I don't think he actually needs your help. He needs to learn to deal with his problems- instead of using people (ie you). He's made clear that your really not valid enough in those things that matter- so clearly you're not what he needs. In fact, you could say that your "helping" him is actually enabling him NOT to learn what he needs to learn. There are choices in life and consequences to those choices. I see no reason whatsoever to be in contact or friends with this man. HE choose to believe you not good enough. Now he has to live with that.
Really- you dodged a bullet. You really did. I'm sure he had some nice qualities and all but the package was not what you'd need or want. I think he knows your vulnerability towards him and that makes it easy for him to use you when it suits him. Anyway- you really are better off. Only without him do you have a chance to meet the right sort of guy and have the life you dreamed of. That dream was never really possible with this man. I hope you can shake him loose soon. I know you're hurt but the situation was never what it seemed. The dream was never a real possibity. Shake it loose and feel FREE! Free to heal and move on. Wiser and more experienced to find the real thing. This isn't the end of the world. Many women have built the dream around the wrong guy. Some make life decisions and commitments that trap them forever. You did not- you really do have something to celebrate!
hey Sandy :) thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!
I think you are spot on about 'building the dream around the wrong guy'.
well, as they say: you live and you learn.
I'm very much on my way to healing :) thanks again!
Friends after love? I think that is ridiculous! At least from my point of view. As a woman, when I love someone, I have given to them my most valued self. When (if) that relationship ends, that is the end of that sharing! Why would I continue to allow a man access to me in any way, after he has made it clear it is over?
I have to agree with you, it is all or nothing. That is counter to the culture where I come from. It seems women consider it "big" of themselves if they are able to have a friendship with a former lover. I have no idea where this comes from other than maybe these women don't know how to take back what is theirs? Or they feel shame in losing the man, so keeping him as a friend negates the loss?
Be strong and steady. Don't let him keep parts of you that you will need one day to give to someone else.
Respectfully,
Steph
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